Sunday, February 1, 2009

This one is special !

This post is for a very special person but without a special reason or occasion. My brother.

He was around from the day I was born, being 2 years older than me. My sudden intrusion into his peaceful world was not appreciated a lot in the beginning (I hear that from mum) but slowly he got used to me being around. He has always fit into the image of a perfect elder brother. I have this faint memory of him pillion riding me around in his 3 wheeler bicycle when I was 3 or 4. What I remember the most is fighting with him.:) I remember how everyone kept telling him that I was his younger sister so he should never hit me when we have a fight, and how I almost never missed a chance to hit him resting assured that he won’t hit me back. I wasn’t always right! ;) we had a lot of fist fights as kids . But as I think of them now, I cherish them as a part of growing up.

I must admit I was a pretty difficult sibling to grow up with and quite irritating too.:) I have always been the one losing my temper, being stubborn, screaming, demanding. I remember the time when we moved to the new town and I couldn't’t make any friends and how I used to tag along with him on his bicycle and force him to take me to his friend’s house to play with them. I remember teasing him for being fat till I turned into a walking potato myself and I must admit that he never teased me half as much as I did.:) The fist fights stopped after a certain age, but then started the verbal arguments. Lolz. I must be honest enough to accept that I played the devil most of the time and started the fights. My brother has always loved to tease me, and I always retaliated and that has always made him want to tease me even more..he he..After having those really bad fights I would declare that I wouldn’t tie him a rakhi that year and I didn’t want the rakhi-money either (that was the difficult part!;) )..

Time really flies and before I realized it was time for him to join college. When my brother left home, for the first time in 16 years was I alone at home. The feeling of not having someone to fight with was terrible sometimes but I always felt I was strong enough to not tell him that I actually missed him being around, missed fighting all the time. I am accepting it today, for the first time. When I joined college, my brother was around to help me. It’s the best thing one can have away from home. I made him pay many of my mess bills and he gladly did that for me with money from his account. That was really sweet of him. ;)

He has always been there at every step in my life advising me what to do. He has been the ‘caution bell’ in my life which always rang at the right time but I somehow always managed to miss all the ‘caution bells’ successfully and I really have no explanation as to how I managed to pull that off! Lolz. But I want to tell him that everything he says means a lot to me. I would like to divide my reaction into 3 stages- comprehend, contemplate, and execute. I comprehend them very well, I contemplate on them a lot but I somehow (without fail) fail to execute them.:-D hehe..

I can’t thank god enough for giving me such a wonderful sibling. Dear bro, I want to tell you that except for that one time in my life (you know when), I have always tried (I stress on the word ‘tried’ ;) ) to listen to what you say and I have always loved you for everything you have done for me. You have taught me a LOT of things and I hope to learn a lot more:-D I feel so very proud to have you as my brother.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Work, work and more work

I have enough work to keep me up the whole night. I am running on very little sleep for the last few weeks.
I don't know why at this point of time i thought of writing this blog post.
I am in a very weird state of mind right now. I have been quite busy in the last few weeks and i have been doing some really good and interesting work. But why now??!! I had more important things to do and take care of. My priority is something else right now, but i am not able to do justice to either of them.
The last two years were the most idle years of my life and that was when i didn't want them to be so. Now, when i want some free time so badly, all i can see is a mountain of pending work.
Suddenly things that never interested me seem to have become so interesting. I have not experienced the feeling of 'boredom' for a LONG time now.
I love everything i am doing right now, but still i don't want any of it. Its hard to explain and i am getting confused again. This post was needed for venting out a few emotions......and it will have to end now because i have to get back to WORK..!!!!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

some thoughts about 'bitching'

There are two kinds of people in every one's life-ones you Bitch about and others you never bitch about.
But these two categories are not watertight. As time goes by, people move from one category to the other.
your life is smooth if there is a balance between both the kinds of people. If you are confused, take a pen and paper and start writing down the names of the people who belong to either category. according to my analysis, a state of balance is attained when less than/equal to 1/5th or 20% of the people you know and interact with come under the second category i.e people you 'don't' bitch about. If the number is more than 1/5th then you are a saint. don't forget to tear that piece of paper if you really were making a note of the names!!
Golden rule of bitching-'an effective/successful bitching materialises when the person about whom you bitch never comes to know about it, or even if he/she comes to know about it you have a ready excuse to cover it up, which means bitching needs to be practised time and again and only then you achieve perfection.'
An example of bad bitching is the one which backfires at you. That should and can be avoided if you just be a little careful. Examples of that would be- bitching to the wrong person, bitching very loudly, bitching in a big and diverse group,etc. you just need to bitch at the right place at the right time. Bitching is sometimes also similar to a sudden urge to vomit.
As rightly put by one of my friends- 'Bitching is good for the soul'.
Bitching can be logically defined as- 'saying something about somebody that you wont/cant dare say on their face.'
It is gender independent. Only 'girls' bitch is the worst prejudice ever and needs to be given some serious thought. The prejudice starts with the term 'bitch'ing itself. I mean, that makes me feel so helpless but i still have to use the word.
It all sounds so silly. doesn't it? but in the larger scheme of things it makes perfect sense because bitching transcends age groups/ time/ place /social status. It is a universal truth.
And people who 'claim' that they don't bitch are either lying or they are lying. and every time you hit a low and you think that you are bitching too much just remember- 'someone somewhere is bitching about you and they will keep doing it irrespective of whether you bitch or not.'

(All this is intended in a light hearted spirit and i support only the 'good' kind of bitching which wont cause any harm to anybody. i personally condemn dirty bitching.)

when the day is bad and you are sad

you are in a bad mood. some body pissed you off or something went wrong. you want be alone and dont want to talk to anybody. but you cant do that. you have to go out and spend time with others against your wish. how many times have you or i found ourselves in such a situation? i will say "very often".
so the 'disaster day' becomes even more disastrous when you are expected to not only be with people but also laugh, smile and be happy. it increases your pain and your mood hits another low. every joke, every conversation is making you feel worse. the anger and frustration is boiling inside you, so what do you end up doing? scream at people around you? just make a very big face and sit there? walk off?
i have done it so often and every time i do such a thing, it ends up in making me feel even more miserable. why do i still do it? because there are times you just lose it and its beyond your control. guess thats when they say 'meditation' helps.
now come into the shoes of the person you just screamed at. well if you have a bad day doesnt mean that everyone around you has to be sad and quiet. accept it and try to reason it out.most of us get away with this kind of behaviour because people who care for us forgive us for being rude. Not always. life is not very kind to you many times have i regretted having opened my mouth and saying something i shouldn't have ? I would say-"have lost count!"
well now when i look back, there are so many instances where i wish i had just kept my mouth shut or reacted after a giving a thought to what i was doing. Anger is like a sewerage that is clogged. you have to channelize it in the right direction else you end up in deep shit.
once a person gave me a piece of his mind when in a similar situation i just lost my temper and said something rude. "ruchika, if YOU had a bad day and are frustrated with your life, please keep it to yourself! why are you spoiling my day by screaming at me??"
That was a reaction i can never forget.
Not everyone gives that honest an opinion, but thats how most of the people feel about you for taking out your anger on them without any fault of theirs.
I am not trying to preach the art of patience nor am i being idealistic. But i think, taking out your anger on others never really helps in any way.
i am learning the art of 'self realisation'.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Lets Play TAG!!

here are a few questions answered by me and i am going to tag ppl. i have heard its fun...lets see!!
What is one weird thing about you that nobody knows till date?
I am obsessed with counting. Though i am not very good and accurate at it but i often count my steps while walking. if i am getting bored somewhere i just start counting things randomly.. trust me,its fun!!
Favourite Ice cream flavour?
The craziest dream you had in the past one week?
It was just last night that i had this dream. i was travelling in a train with a friend and i was carrying two huge bags filled with valuables as my luggage. the journey was long and we reached our destination. we got down and started walking towards the taxi. the train left and when we stopped near the taxi, we realised that we forgot our luggage in the train. i start crying hysterically.
i had seen this same dream before and in the aforesaid dream, the old dream became a reality and i blame myself for making the same mistake twice. it was all very messed up.
One embarrassing thing you've done in public, which comes to your mind right now?
none that i would like to share..they are way too embarrassing;-0
Are you going to be attending MMSC? Why or why not?
OFCOURSE...!!!everyone should! check out the website...

You guys are supposed to answer the same questions, and pass it on to minimun 3 other people, and tell them that they've been tagged. After you've posted your replies on your blog, you let me know through mine!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

SiNg a sOnG

i feel like singing out aloud...alas!

well, when i was young( i mean school days, i am still young!) i used to think that i have a good voice. I don't know why, but i just knew from inside that i was meant to sing but i never had the guts to display my talent .i mean, i know it sounds 'boisterous' but once while travelling in the school bus, i was humming a song softly and i almost heard the girls sitting next to me talking among themselves that i sing well. wait, i am not assuming things here. i know its a different thing if someone actually comes up to you and praises you, but its like almost the same thing if you eavesdrop on someone praising you, isn't it? . i had friends who could sing, but then they learnt music. i never believed in the concept of learning how to sing. i think you are either born with it or you are not. you cant just develop it overnight by having someone to teach you!that concept never appealed to me. i used to practise singing when i was all alone, i used to record my voice and replay it but then i guess in those days the quality of tape recorders was not that great and hence my voice didn't sound as good as it actually was!

so you see,i had this intense passion for singing inside me but it never found an outlet. and slowly time passed. and today i am 19 years old and i do think what if i had started singing when i was young? hmmm...well but now i have grown tired of the ways of this world. nobody appreciates real talent. like if i start singing really well, other people might grow really jealous of me which will make them find ways to spoil my voice. they might call me over for a drink and give me something which will take away my beautiful voice and nowadays that adulteration is so widespread you never know if it might actually kill me. who wants to die? i don't! i prefer singing just for myself when i am all alone and remain happy and alive!

(this post is a result of extreme exaggeration and utter boredom and bids adieu to the reality for sometime.)

Monday, March 3, 2008

are you Angry?

'Anger' many people do you or i know who are short tempered? I am sure there are many. they basically are those who lose control over their composure very soon and react without weighing the consequences.. here is a list of personal observation about what all people do when they become angry-
1. most commonly people throw things and express anger. these kind of people are not very dangerous as long as they do not throw something which might break or explode.
Again there is a sub class under this category-
a. people who are foolish enough to throw things which might break for ex mobile phones.( this kind suffers the most.)
b. people who use their brains and throw around things like pillows, sheets of paper, and other unbreakable objects.(i have had a personal experience with this friend of mine who lost her temper at one occasion and made us all scared and started throwing around her clothes,pillow,etc.. she was searching for more stuff to throw and i instinctively handed her mobile phone expecting her to throw it but SHE DIDN'T !!! that was when i identified this category of people.!!

2. people who start abusing left,right,center..well if you are not at the receiving end of the abuse then you can just sit back and enjoy listening to them..those few creative types hurl abuses that are new and innovative, you can learn a great deal if you grasp quickly.. try this out( from a safe distance) the next time one of your friend starts abusing- record the whole abusing session, gather a few friends and watch the whole thing in slow would be fun and a good way to embarrass somebody.
But the other kind of abusers, they keep repeating the same 2-3 abuses again and again and again and make people irritated every time they get angry. This kind of people commonly become famous for their favorite 'abuse' word and everyone who knows them can predict what they are going to say the moment they are angry. you can enjoy a good laugh at their expense everytime they are angry.

3. people who abuse not the person they are angry with but some random poor soul. they abuse out of context, and make everyone sad and confused. they are the most complex of all. i have not understood them much.

4. people who start crying when they get angry. this sort are the most difficult to handle for obvious reasons. if you are the person they are angry with, then you have to mollify them, till they wet 10 napkins!!
Never lend your handkerchief to this kind of people.
Sadly, if you are not the person they are angry with, but you happen to be the only person around, then you have to waste even more time and around 20 napkins!!. First they will start off with why they are angry with XYZ, then they will give you 101 reasons why XYZ was wrong and how hurt they are coz of that.. then they will ask you if they were right in having lost their temper on XYZ. Dare NOT disagree with them at any stage, if you do then do it at the risk of wasting 10 more napkins!

5.people who physically harm themselves when they are angry. this weird variety are normal otherwise but if they get angry they do things like hammering their fists into the wall, bang their head on the door, threaten to jump off the roof and the like. scary scary scary. dial 100 and leave the place asap.

6. people who start beating up the person they are angry with. well if you come across this variety- take a deep breath, scan them through their entire length and width and ask yourself "Is it worth taking the risk?". if you are physically well endowed then Go for it!! If not then run as fast as you can or else offer your apology to them for your own good.
This category of people are easy to identify because it mostly consists of those who are brawny, sturdy and muscular. always be friendly towards this kind and if you belong to the above categories but desperately want to be a part of this category then don't hurry yourself till you become physically qualified.

note: the above analysis doesnt make too much sense. readers are adviced not to think too hard.